ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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