You're so nebulous sometimes
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
