my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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