The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
