The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
