I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize