Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
