Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
