I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
