Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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