If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
