I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
