Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
