all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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