We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if only i could text you this smell
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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