Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
