thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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