Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
