Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
