When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
