Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
