I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're like the curious george of whores
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
