I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
