By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
