remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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