do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
