i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
