I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
