god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
