the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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