dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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