No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize