I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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