id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
