Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i will never coherently bang her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
