I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
