she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
