my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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