actually, I'm a sock model
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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