i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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