i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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