I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
