If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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