singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
