I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
