3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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