His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize