who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think i have two assholes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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