my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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