Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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