I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
