"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
