If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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