I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
