To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize