My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
