Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
