he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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