Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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