At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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