My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
