Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
