sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
