i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
