:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
