If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize