i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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