I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
