Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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