So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
