i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
