hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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