woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
