never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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