I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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