my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
