:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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