i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
