I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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