Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
