either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
