You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
