uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
