That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
