Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
