the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
