my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
