Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
